So, I’ve been dating for roughly 8 months now (broke up once, almost twice, with the same guy). I was divorced last October, and started dating a guy in March. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Tip 1. You’ll face the Ugly Past

Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. I had no idea that every ugly, painful, disgusting lie and belief I’ve ever had about my old relationship was going to bounce like tiger into my brain. Everything I do with my current boyfriend feels like ripping a wound open and reliving everything. My god, it’s crazy.

Tip 2. Emotion is a bitch

I don’t usually swear, but this seemed really fitting. I’ve never had this much emotion IN MY LIFE, and I am an emotionally sensitive person. Even, going for a nice walk I found myself trying to shove down the geyser of emotion that’s buried there. It pops up whenever and wherever.

Tip 3. You’re numb and scared

This is the hardest for me to face. I can’t seem to get over the past 12 years of my old relationship. I know it’s only been a year since I was divorced, but you want to beat yourself up for continually stepping backward again and again. It created a fear of love, a fear of not loving, and all the messy stuff in-between.

What I learned Today

After my crying spout, my feeling like he’ll be the same as my ex, and feeling unloved in my love language, it all hit me in the face. I have to love myself, and if he can’t match my vibration, the relationship will disperse. But, no matter what, I’ll find the one who’s meant for me by loving ME. I’m not saying my current boyfriend is like my ex or a jerk or something(he’s very loving and patient), but every emotion I felt with my ex surfaces no matter what. That’s why I realized that I HAVE to love myself right now in this messy, painful aftermath. Because, if my boyfriend actually is the one, I won’t see it if I don’t feel my own love. Whether he gives me loving words (which is my love language) or not is up to him, but once I love myself, I’ll attract someone who gladly gives me love in the way I need.

Be Fearless

In loving myself, instead of allowing myself to be ruled by fear, I’ll be ruled by love, and my self-love will send out a high vibration to a man who will love me as I love myself. Make sense? It’s easier said than done for sure, and I want to start truly loving me for me. In the end, currently with my soulmate or not, he’ll show up. And so will yours.

From a Divorcee

 

 

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