Everyone hits it.
The breaking point. It doesn’t matter who you are or how “mature” you are, you’ll come to a place where you hit the breaking point.
We all have insecurities, fears, sorrow, and disappointments we face in our lives. Everyone deals with these things in a few ways.
- Stuffs it
- Builds it
- Denies it
That’s a few I’ve noticed people do over the years.
My own breaking point hit last summer. I was a “build it/deny it” type of person. Where for years and years my marriage was a mess, and I tried to juggle the pain of it by denying that it was “okay” and also trying to believe that it would all work out in the end. I had this endless so called “faith” that kept me going. But, looking back I see that it wasn’t faith, it was mostly denial. My mental state snowballed over the course of five years until I literally hit the breaking point.
What is the breaking point?
When you’re done, you’re DONE. You have nothing left to give emotionally to the situation, and no one can talk you out of your point of view, no matter what they say. These breaking points start with a simple thing. A LIE.
People around you can love the socks out of you, but if you have allowed a lie to slowly build over the years, and haven’t dealt with your childhood issues, your pain from relationships, and have stuffed, denied, or allowed them to build they will BLOW. And it won’t be pretty, guys. When this breaking point hits, you hurt a lot of people. I know I did. I regret a ton of stuff when I hit that point, and I literally (when I think of it now) was crazy. When I think about my state of mind, at that stage, I was a different person. I don’t even recognize her at all.
The shrapnel of your “breaking point” will be worse than dealing with it before it hits that point. Trust me. I know. I really, really know. You will live with the guilt of people you hurt, things you did, and the things you didn’t do too. If you are feeling the build up of pain, fear, and lies inside of you I have one piece of advice: DEAL WITH IT.
Things you think when you reach your breaking point
- It’s all “their” fault.
- They don’t care
- People don’t like me
- They are against me
- I’m better off on my own
- I want to run away
- They don’t really love me
There is many, many more toxic thoughts that roll around in your head. I want to beg you, warn you, and shout from the rooftops about this subject. It’s been killing me inside to see so many marriages, relationships, and people hit that point and not return.
YOU MUST DEAL WITH YOUR PAST.
Sorry for the caps, but I want to stress it over and over. I’m still dealing with my past, and it STILL comes up about my ex and my 12 year relationship. Of course you’re in pain. Of course you’re sad, discouraged, and hurting. But, please, before it reaches the end game, get help. Contact a counselor, a friend, or find material to read, listen to, or watch that will help you deal with your build up of pain.
In my last article I talked about the “looper” personality and the empath. This personality tends to have a rougher time, because they get stuck in this endless painful loop.
Let me tell you a story.
There once was a girl, twenty-something, pretty, lively. She had a dream. A dream to be a mom and a wife and to live happily ever after. She married a nice guy, they settled down, and started their journey together.
Then 3 years ticked by, and the girl asked the boy for a baby. It was a no go. Again, years ticked by, and it was into year 5. The girl again, begged, pleaded, cried for a child, falling into depression. The boy said no. More and more years ticked by, and it reached year 10. The girl was in her thirties, in pain, believing her husband had tricked her, lied to her, and didn’t love her.
This was me. My breaking point hit at year 10, and mixed in with a lot of pain, I left my husband. The story is a mess after that, but you get the point. When you hit this point, all you see is through those pain-filled glasses, and everyone you love takes a beating. You tend to think they are out to “get you, abuse you, or hurt you” because you haven’t dealt with an underlining issue.
Did my husband love me? Maybe in his own way, but he never dealt with his issues about not wanting a kid, and it bled into our marriage–thus creating pain and a breaking point for me. I didn’t hear one single word he said after my breaking point.
Give yourself a Voice.
I’m still learning this one, since I repressed so much pain. I am still recovering the little girl who had a dream. I am part of an amazing leadership team(Life Leadership) that talks about dreaming, and all I can feel is a giant painful hole where mine used to be. Will I recover? Yes. Will you recover? Yes.
Don’t just see red
When you’re in this spot, you see everyone as a bad guy. Believe me I could tell you stories in my own life that would make your toes curl. People who always loved me, I looked at in a red haze of pain, and I couldn’t seem to find the love I knew was there. I only saw them one way. If this sounds like your life, please understand that people love you. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. They are HURTING because you are hurting. If someone reaches out to you, don’t bat their hand away, see through the haze. Allow someone in.
See the light
There is light for you. There is hope for you. If you are experiencing great pain like I did about marriage or family I have one warning: Don’t break your ties.
You may be going through hell right now, but reach out to someone. If you feel like you don’t trust anyone, there are programs to get emotional and mental health. Believe me, if you just decide to “end it all” you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. I’m talking marriages, friendships, family ties, whatever the case is here.
One more thing
Some relationships ARE toxic. But, in the breaking point it’s hard to know better. If you need a break to think, then do so, but without killing all your relationships. My one regret was rushing my own divorce and not just letting myself heal for a bit. Would it of still ended? Maybe. But, the fact that my breaking point shoved me forward to destroy everything kills me now.
If you are in the middle of a divorce, pause for a moment. Take a breath. Is your partner willing to work it out? Is he/she willing to change? Is he/she trying his best? I know they hurt you. I understand. I really, really do. But, in the breaking point you hear NOTHING. You feel NOTHING. You think all they are doing is lying, lying, lying.
Don’t do anything rash. Give yourself a breather. Deal with your pain. Deal with it. Please. For your mental and emotional health. For your family, friends, and even acquaintances. The ripple effect of a breaking point is like a hurricane, destroying everything. You hurt a lot more people then you know. I’m not trying to guilt you. This is from a divorcee who knows. I know the pain you go through, and I am still dealing with it a year later.
I love you guys.