This started with a book.
Surprise, surprise I was reading a book (or listening since my robot kindle was reading it to me). This book is by a friend of mine named Chuck Crisco. As the words washed over me, sparks were flying inside of my heart. Dreams of my heart. Love. Belief. All of it stirring all around me.
This blog post isn’t about that book, but what happened just short after I got home. The moment I stepped out of my car, my feet hitting the gravel, I got this revelation.
I won’t feel love if I don’t believe I’m loved.
I’m a divorcee. It sucks. It’s painful, and there are a million emotional obstacles to overcome after a divorce. I find myself constantly questioning my boyfriend’s love for me. Today we had a conversation, and he told me that it hurts him that I don’t believe him when he says, ‘I love you’. The moment I stepped out of the car, these thoughts started to come to me.
I will never feel anyone’s love if I don’t believe in it.
It’s like this. God loves you, right? You’ve heard it, heard it, heard it. But, do you actually believe it in your heart, so you can FEEL it? I’ve been on a self-love journey (learning to love me) and it’s been a struggle to get there. As I listened to Chuck’s book some of the revelation he spoke got to me. It’s not just me loving me, it’s God’s love inside of me, giving me the love to love me. Confused yet?
Someone can do things for you, be there for you, support you, and even tell you that they love you, but if you don’t believe what they are saying is true, then it never will be true for you. Love isn’t just about a “feeling” but a choice to believe in it. That’s what gives you a feeling. No one forces you to feel one way or another–you do.
You can reject love simply by rejecting the belief that someone loves you for you.
My boyfriend makes me think all the time. I’ll ask him, “Why do you love me?” And his reply simply is, “Because I want to.” Those replies give me more questions such as, “But tell me why? What did I do or say that caused it?” And he simply patiently will say back, “Because I want to.”
Think about it in these terms.
Why does God love you? Is it because you have blonde hair, blue eyes, and the perfect dimples? Is it because you did everything just right? Is it because you can sing or dance? Why does God love you?
Because He wants to.
God’s choice to love us goes beyond what we can do. It simply IS. Now, it’s up to us to believe that He loves us, and accept it deep into our hearts.
My last post was about, God loves me, but do I? I think my mindset is shifting again, into the thought that I need to believe that God loves me. I need to believe others love me. And dang, I need to believe that I love me too. Love is the key to everything here. When we shut our hearts off to love, that’s where pain abides.
I dare you to open your belief to love again. I triple dog dare you to open your world to believe that someone is crazy about you.
His name is Jesus.
I believe the number one reason why marriages fail is this: there is no more belief that the person loves you. I know that was my thoughts. I would combat it all the time. I also believe that if you don’t love yourself, you’ll always reject others’ love too. You won’t find yourself worthy to receive love. I believe that was the case with my ex. He couldn’t love himself, therefore he couldn’t receive my deep love for him either. I also combated loving myself, so you mix the two and it creates a disaster.
Eventually, if you don’t love yourself (and allow love from God in) you will push away everyone who loves you too.
Love brings healing. Open your heart to love. Believe.
From a Divorcee