Today is my birthday.
I felt antsy today while sitting at my desk, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. So, I got myself ready and headed outside for a bike ride. I’ve been going for a nature adventure everyday, and I love it! So, I started the ride and headed toward a woodsy nature trail I found the other day. While, riding, I was self reflecting and trying to figure out my unsettled, antsy feeling. I had experienced a few spouts of anxiety the last couple days, and I felt like this tied in with it.
I talked to God while riding my bike.
If you feel you can’t understand what is happening on the inside of you, try this sometime. Sometimes having a dialogue with God helps a lot. So, I’m going back and forth with Him, trying to figure out what was happening on the inside. It wasn’t exactly sadness, but something else. So, I’m digging in trying to uncover the root and what is going on. Suddenly, it hits me. Life felt purposeless.
Not like I want to go kill myself purposeless, but like a “Life is just OK” type of feeling. Where I felt like it would always just be ‘eh’ for the rest of my life. Not driven, not meaningful just ‘meh’. Get my drift?
What God said
Suddenly, God starts talking to me about ME. I’ve been on this self-love journey, and it has really, really helped me so much in uncovering my own heart’s issues. He starts talking to me about my purpose. Guess what it was?
To just BE.
Doesn’t sound Earth shattering or fireworks-like right? Well, let me explain a bit further. He starts saying to me that my purpose is just to have my presence here on Earth. To be a light, filled with love, and to show love to others too. That my very essence is my PURPOSE. This made me overwhelmed and I started to cry, because here’s the thing. I’ve always been driven to DO something great. To help others. Bring love, healing, and hope to people around me. Then that gentle voice just says, “You already are.” Me just being me here on this planet is a purpose.
Kick out the Works
This takes our works out of the equation. Sometimes we base our entire life on what we DO. We are a mom, a pastor, a daughter, a friend, a co-worker, a painter, a singer etc. We are a role. We sometimes forget that we are a spirit put in a body. That spirit is connected to divine LOVE. And when we just allow ourselves to BE, we connect with the source of Love.
Trying to explain this encounter is a challenge, but it literally freed me. I started riding with this essence of love, joy, peace, and purpose. It doesn’t matter if I’m a millionaire, write a billion books, or help tons of people. Who I am is purposeful. Not what I do. Just who I am.
Tears are coming to my eyes, again, because this gets to me hard. It’s not what you do, lovely, it’s who you are that shakes the world with love. If you tap into that woman or man, your very presence will change people and make a difference.
Healing needs to happen
When you’re going through a time of healing in your life (from divorce, breakups, health issues, finances, marriage issues, friendship problems) you have to find that part of you. You need to find the YOU that can just BE in her own space. I think I’ll write another blog post about being in your own space, because I could write a book. (I probably will one day.) But, we fill our head with so much noise, we don’t even allow ourselves to tap into who we are. We run away from our pain, emotions, and problems. I’ve discovered through this program I’m doing to heal from divorce, a whole new side to myself. I’m not rejecting my emotional side. I love it. Love who you are. Be who you are. You are a purpose.
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