You want something really bad. I mean BAD, BAD. So bad in fact, that it’s painful. Your partner or spouse seems to be withholding that thing from you–now what?
This was me.
I married at a very young age (22) and I had tons of high hopes for the future. I pictured myself having 4-5 kids around me, laughing, romance, and all the fairy-tale stuff.
To make a super long story short, my ex-husband withheld my greatest desire from me.
TO BE A MOM.
From the age of probably 12, I pictured myself being a mom. In fact, that was the only thing I desired.
As years ticked by, and I asked more and more, I realized that this desire wasn’t going to be fulfilled. In fact, I started loathing this desire. The longer it went, the more painful it felt. Until, one day I remember feeling my desire is bad.
What causes resentment in a relationship?
Have you ever wanted something so bad that it suddenly felt bad to want it?
After 10 years of marriage, I suddenly realized that the relationship I was in was not what I wanted. I used to try to make it squeeze into a box, but if I looked at it square in the face–it was never my truest desire.
I started to resent him for withholding my greatest desire.
If you feel like a desire you have is bad, I want to tell you that it’s not. I’m not condoning divorce, when a spouse withholds something from you, but value yourself. I didn’t value my desire enough to do something about it–I let myself be controlled and pushed aside. I lost valuable years because of it.
The resentment I felt toward him destroyed our relationship.
Have a voice.
Say to yourself, what I desire is good. What I desire is normal.
People used to tell me, “What you wanted was normal!”
But, for some reason I still felt bad about my desire, because it caused so much pain and resentment in my relationship. I’ve come to realize now, that it wasn’t me, it was him. Most men on the planet want their wife to have children and be happy. Not to condemn my ex, but his own issues got in the way, and it created a huge gap between us.
I want to encourage you today that your desires are GOOD.
If your partner is withholding something from you, first of all, communicate how you feel. Many times resentment builds because we aren’t expressing our feelings in the right way. Start of with, “I feel (emotion) when you withhold this from me.”
Your desires are good.