Do you struggle with feeling behind?
Last night was rough for me, and I found myself going through a roller coaster of emotions. Thank God I’ve learned to accept, love, and comfort myself through times of pain.
As I drove home, I started sobbing about how I felt scared, behind, and just a bunch of emotions that surfaced. Although, I was happy in watching my friend recommit herself to her husband, after a lot of rockiness to their marriage, it triggered me from my own past marriage. I started to feel not good enough, unworthy, and just a bunch of fear and mess.
Would I ever see a man look at me like the way her husband looked at her? Would I ever want to get married again? Would my spouse love me as much as I loved them? How would I know if it would work or they loved me truly?
Although, my heart has healed a lot, and I’ll talk about remarrying one day, I still get huge fears that POP up and tell me NO WAY. As I drove, and sobbed my face off, I talked to God and He said, “I accept you where you’re at, Tash. It’s okay the stage you’re at right now. You’re not them, and they aren’t you. You don’t need to force yourself to be where others are at.”
As I went, I really felt Jesus comforting me, and telling me over and over how He’d walk with me every step. This in itself is a miracle. I touch on my spiritual story in my new book (yet to be released), my trust in Jesus was shattered from my past. The fact that I now trusted Him enough to be with me was a miracle in itself.
Through a bunch of emotion, I finally accepted that I was okay with my stage in life, and it didn’t make me less than others even though I wasn’t married, having kids, or having a white picket fence yet.
Struggling with “left behind” feelings is TOUGH. If you are divorced, older and not married, desiring children, wanting a healthy relationship, or haven’t fulfilled your dreams yet, I understand your struggle.
The first step to healing, is accepting where you’re at. Accept you. It’s OK you’re at where you’re at. And from that acceptance, you can go forward. I spent so much emotional energy on regret, shame, blame, and fear, that I was exhausted in the past.
The fact that I’m even dating (without tons of emotional blowups, like with my last boyfriend) is a healing message. Although, my fears pop up about loving like I did in the past, I can accept my relationship right where its at.
I can accept me right where I’m at.
It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel crappy. It’s okay if you feel left out, left behind, and broken. Accept that. When you love every emotion, it starts to HEAL YOU. When you beat yourself up for not being better (or fill in the blank) all it creates is more PAIN.
I’ve come to realize too if pain comes up that’s GOOD. I know that sounds crazy, but obviously there was still pain there to come out. Weddings are still hard on me, and seeing people recover from the brink of divorce is also hard on me, or hearing about divorce in general. But, I also know that my story isn’t their story. What I faced was different, and beating myself up for that doesn’t help anyone.
Accept where you’re at. You’re doing great. You’re moving forward one step at a time. You’ve got this, darlings. Choose your own path a day at a time.
#emotions #pain #divorcehealing #acceptance #loveyourself